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Thursday, 19 April 2012 22:13

Moms Can Be So Mean...

I am so shocked - absolutely reeling...

I was just kicked out of a forum website for mothers because I voiced an opinion that 'the community' did not condone. 

I was shocked at their response to one of my posts - because it was in no way rude or attacking or judging - I promise - and I wish I had been able to log back on to copy the posts so I could prove it, but they'd already deleted my account.

Ok, I'll just out with it and I hope I don't make any enemies here either...

There was a father on the forum who was concerned about his 4 month old infant with whom they had always co-slept, but the child was now unable to sleep at all - even for naps - without a parent within reaching distance.  His question on the forum was whether he was doing the right thing, because he had been told that co-sleeping would help a child's independence, and his child seemed to have become more dependent as it grew.

His concern was that if he tried to get the baby to sleep without him - the baby would cry, and he was afraid of letting the child cry for any length of time.

All of the other responses to this post told him to wear the baby, or find ways to sleep with the baby. (I don't know if the family had any other children). This is certainly good advice, but I felt that it was not the only option for this family - and maybe constant baby-wearing wasn't something that they would be comfortable with or even able to do.

Anyway, when my daughter was a newborn, I began leaving her alone to nap regularly - even if she cried for a bit - very early.  I felt that as her mother, I was learning to be in tune with her needs and since I knew when she ate, played, etc., that I had a pretty good grasp on whether or not she was ok to cry or not.  So, sometimes - I let her cry.  I realize that in todays society this makes me an evil mother. Or at least, I have learned this now.

Without putting down the 'babywearing' advice (I plan to babywear my second baby much more than my first for my own reasons - I am definitely NOT against babywearing...), I responded with my own experience, which I thought would give this family an alternate option .

I received an email from one of the moderators of the site - quoting my post - and saying that  they did not support - ever - letting a baby cry - and that this sort of post was not welcome there.

Ok, so the real reason I was 'kicked out' probably had more to do with the email I sent afterward, but I was so shocked! This is North America!  Are we not able to have different views without feeling threatened or bullied?

The email I sent afterward was again - very careful - but probably not very nice.  I cautioned the site to be careful about judging differing methods of parenting as 'wrong' - and although I admitted I didn't 'fit in' there, I voiced my shock at having been 'bullied' out of the forum.  One response post had suggested that a parent who would 'let their child cry' is an inattentive parent - and I made a comment about how I feel as though I'm an extremely attentive and devoted mother - and just because I may have a different 'road' to get there - doesn't mean I won't raise wonderful children.  In fact, I parent very similarly to how many of 'our' parents and their parents 'parented' - were they evil parents? Are we all awful people because of their parenting?  Is that why work-ethic and independence and self-confidence have actually DECREASED over the last 20 years????

Anyway, I need to end this, but I had to get it off my chest. 

Some of that may have come out badly, but I'm feeling a bit defensive and hurt, so I apologize if this insults anyone.  Thanks for 'listening'.

Rant over.

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