Nurse Loves Farmer


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Saturday, 21 April 2012 21:43

My Week Depressively

I feel drained today, and I'm struggling to really put my finger on 'why'. 

Brian and I had a beautiful day together - his parents took Celia for a few hours this afternoon while we went out for supper together using a gift card that some friends had given us a couple of weeks back. 

It may simply be because of everything that is going on in our lives right now...

We have been dealing with the process of getting my Dad into a care home in my city, which can be a somewhat frustrating process, and we have no idea yet what to expect.

I think I had posted awhile back that my Grandfather was expected to pass away any day - he did - on Friday morning at about 11:30, and I got a call from my Aunt about fifteen minutes later.  This is my maternal (by birth) Grandpa, and despite how little I really knew him, I found myself seriously mourning him in the hours that followed this phone call.  For those of you who know my story, these Grandparents refused to lose contact with me despite my parents' divorce, and in effect they 'adopted' my Dad as one of their children and when he remarried 8 years later, they treated my step-mom and step-brother as though they were just as much a part of their family as I was.  I am so indebted to them for this - they are the reason I was able to remain in contact with my birth family, and I'm so grateful for their graciousness towards my Dad. 

I am apprehensive about the funeral, however, because in the past few years my relationship with this family has faltered.  My Grandparents moved to a city quite a distance from my own, and with five total sets of Grandparents to 'juggle', we were simply not able to see them very often.  I do feel a lot of guilt for this, because I feel as though I have fallen into the ridiculous 'suburban busyness' that drives me crazy.  I firmly believe that no one 'doesn't have the time' - they choose not to have time, because their choices make them too busy.  This is a more difficult concept to deal with when my finger is pointing back at myself.  I HAD time, I just chose to do other things with it. 

Anyway, on Monday I will drive nearly 4 hours alone to go to his funeral.  My husband isn't able to take the time off work, and considering the long drive and having no one to watch Celia - it doesn't make much sense for me to bring her along.  This is difficult for me also, because no one in the family has met her, but I suppose a funeral is not an appropriate place to 'show her off'. 

Read 2927 times Last modified on Thursday, 17 May 2012 22:33

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