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Thursday, 10 May 2012 20:17

The Peace of God

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything...

Lately I feel as though I'm spinning in a vortex of anxiousness - and much of it isn't my own.  In the past few days I have spent upwards of 3 hours each day talking on the phone, and at least another hour a day texting various family members.  I'm exhausted.

In many ways we have lost my Dad, but he is still living and breathing among us.  He still requires care and companionship and 'stuff'.  His brain is almost entirely gone, however, due to massive blood pressure that could be cured by nothing short of a miracle from God.  No doctor has suggested a cure, because they know there isn't one.   Some members of my family, however, are convinced that there must be a solution - the doctors are simply not looking far enough or trying hard enough.  These same family members also seem convinced that we - as immediate family - are therefore not doing enough to push the issue with doctors and medical staff. 

This is causing an unbelievable amount of stress on the immediate family - some of whom have spent a great deal of energy trying to make everyone happy - as well as an irrational amount of stress and anxiety on themselves.  It's time for me to step back and breathe.

I have a husband, a daughter, a house to keep, friends who's support and love I truly need at this juncture, a job...  I also need to be a daughter, and a granddaughter and a niece, but these things must come second to my roles in my immediate family - which includes my husband, daughter and unborn child.  My Dad may remain as he is now for many years into the future, and I can not allow my children to suffer for this.  My Dad would be completely offended to know that I had allowed this situation to harm my family - and it's time that I make the conscious decision to not let that happen.

I love my Dad.  I will always love my Dad.  My Dad has been my hero, and for many years of my life I felt as though he was all I had in the world.  None of this changes.  But when his life ends - and it will, eventually - my life will (God willing) continue.  

I believe in a loving God who is in control of this and every other situation.  I may not understand His methods, but I understand that it is not my efforts, or doctors, keeping my Dad alive right now.  It is only God.  And only by the Grace of God will my Dad be healed if God so chooses, and I believe it would be the Grace of God that would eventually take my Dad home.  I am not in control.

One particular family member - someone who has always seemed so strong to me, spiritually upright and faithful - has suddenly begun to let bitterness and anger rule in her life.  She has become mean and condescending, and is allowing herself to believe that she is the only one who feels pain in this situation.  She is letting the enemy into her thoughts and her mind, and allowing it to take control.  I have found myself hurt and confused by this.  When I so desperately need her help and support, I am feeling the need to take on the role of helping her as well as my Dad. 

We all need so much prayer.

I am quitting for tonight.  No more phone calling, and no more texting.  I will retire to my basement and sit in front of the TV and allow my brain to turn off. 

I need a rest.

Read 3277 times Last modified on Thursday, 17 May 2012 22:39

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