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Friday, 17 February 2012 17:28

What to do next...

This week (hopefully) I will find out whether or not the latest round of clomid has been successful. 

I have one more month's worth of pills to take if this one hasn't succeeded, but since that will be my 'last chance' for what may be quite awhile - I think you have to wait a number of months before going on a second stretch of clomid - I will feel significantly disheartened if this round has not worked.

I have been feeling exceptionally tired, although I felt similar last month, and I've even had a few belly pains that felt quite a bit like muscle aches a few inches below my belly button.  The one symptom I'm waiting for, however, is nausea in the morning, and so far that one has eluded me. 

I've been thinking about what to do if this round of clomid fails, and I still feel quite uncertain.  I have always wanted to adopt, and I still do, but I have always felt drawn to international adoption as opposed to local adoption, and the costs can be astronomical which is just not an option for us right now.

I may be completely incorrect, but my views on international adoption are based on the fact that to adopt from Canada there is up to a seven or eight year waiting list.  This gives me the impression that there are no children available for adoption here who are unwanted.  So, my thought is that if I adopt internationally, I am choosing a child who may not have a home otherwise.  Is this logical? I am starting to question my knowledge on these things as I investigate the numbers of children adopted from various countries - they are quite small, which makes me wonder if there is less interest in international adoption than I thought, or are there less children available than I perceived?

Anyway, besides any of that, my husband is not so interested in adoption that he is willing to say 'damn the cost' and go ahead with it.  I would probably consider selling our house if it meant we could have another child, so we don't exactly feel the same way about it.  I certainly agree that it would be stupid to enter into any financial struggles unless we were both completely in support of going ahead, which means we should probably not go that route until we are pretty sure the money will work out.

That being said, the preliminary costs associated with adoption are the same regardless of where you adopt from, and are relatively small.  A large part of me would like to go ahead with the preliminary stuff and see what happens, but I run the risk of suddenly having the option to adopt and feeling pressure to come up with money if it happens to be international...

Being an only child until I was eight, and then having a 4-year-old step-brother who I never became very close to has always made me speculate that a sibling - particularly a sister - who was closer to my age would have solved some of my child-hood loneliness issues.  Maybe I'm wrong, but it has become important to me to give my daughter a sibling who is as close to her in age as possible.  And I honestly feel at this point that 3 years is too much.  I worry that if this round of clomid fails, it will be too late to start the next one for me, and I feel now as though I would rather just adopt, and try to find a child within 2 years of my daughters age. 

I promised my husband I would leave it alone until I'm sure about this round of clomid. 

And... Who knows? Maybe I'm already pregnant...

Read 2188 times Last modified on Wednesday, 22 February 2012 22:27

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