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Thursday, 19 April 2012 09:56

Pregnancy Update - Week 12

This week we went in for the down syndrome screening ultrasound - which I'm not overly concerned about, but I always like to see extra pictures of my baby!  This image isn't really clear, but the head is on the right and at the top I think you can see baby's left elbow, and maybe even a couple of little fingers.  Baby is kind of curled inward facing down - the larger white area in the face is baby's mouth and we could see it opening and closing in the ultrasound, as if baby were trying to talk to us!

Here is an update on my pregnancy so far - almost through the first trimester!

How far along? 12 weeks, 4 days

Feeling: I really can't complain - I feel nauseous usually in the evening, right before bed, and I'm extremely tired but other than that pregnancy is pretty easy on me...

Maternity clothes? For a month now! Since my last pregnancy was pretty recent, and I never really lost the belly weight, so I couldn't gain an ounce without needing bigger clothes.  Not that I minded - maternity clothing is really quite comfortable!

Sleep: I lie awake at night, unable to fall asleep but when I finally do, I'm like the dead.  If Celia cries in the night, poor Brian has to get up to deal with her because I just don't hear her - or anything!

Food cravings: The other night at about 10pm I had a sudden craving for Tomato Soup (Campbell's, of course), so I made a can, thinking I would save the rest for lunch the next day - but no, I ate the entire can... which was crazy because it was 10pm and I'd NEVER eaten an entire can before.   Typically, though, my appetite isn't nearly as good as it was when I was pregnant with Celia - and I'm guessing this baby will be a pickier eater because suddenly many things that I used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable...

Movement? Nothing yet, but I keep lying very still and focusing...

What I miss? Being able to eat anything! Meal planning is much more difficult when almost everything turns your stomach...

Best moment this week: The ultrasound, and watching my baby touch her/his face and knees!

What I'm looking forward to: It's finally starting to look like not-winter outside (seriously - it snowed here two days ago...) and Celia LOVES playing outside!

Next Appointment: I probably should have written that down...

Milestones: Baby's liver is making bile and kidneys are secreting urine in the bladder. Happy yucky stuff!

Thank you to Growing Up Geeky for letting me steal your format for this... I'll probably personalize it a bit overtime, I was just so excited to post my latest baby 'pic'!

Published in Blog
Thursday, 12 April 2012 09:35

Pregnancy Update

With all of the chaos in my life right now, I frequently forget that I'm pregnant at all, which is actually nice in some ways considering how obsessed I was with my first pregnancy.  The less I think about it, the faster the time goes by.

So, the first trimester has almost slipped past me already, and I'm just a few days passed the 11 week mark. 

Image from www.babycenter.ca

If my baby were a cartoon, he/she might look something like this.  I had a doctor's appointment this week on Tuesday, and heard the heartbeat for the first time.  It was beating at 176 bpm, which is pretty much exactly where Celia's heartbeat was at this time. Next week I have my second ultrasound, and I'm excited to see my little bean look a little more like a baby!

So far I'd have to say that pregnancy is fairly nice to me all around.  I've had a few moments of extreme-run-to-the-bathroom-to-throw-up nausea, and my energy level is severely depleted, which isn't helped by the fact that my family seems to undergo all levels of crisis whenever I'm pregnant, but that is really all I can complain about.  This baby seems to be a much pickier eater than Celia was, and there is a long list of things that make my stomach turn right now... I really hope that changes after the baby is born.

Published in Blog
Friday, 06 April 2012 11:54

Pre-Parenting Exercise

Recently I was browsing through some old documents on my computer, and I came across an exercise that Brian and I did together when I was pregnant with Celia.  I'm sure I found it on the internet, and I didn't keep the 'instructions', but I think the basic idea was for each parent to rank the following parenting areas from most important (10) to least important (1) individually, and then to come back and compare each other's lists and discuss any discrepancies.

I don't remember how our discussion went here either, but here is the list, and our ranking.

     Samantha's Ranking                        Parenting Area                           Brian's Ranking         
10 Moral Values 8
9 Religion 9
8 Education 10
7 Nutrition 2
6 Activities 4
5 Manners 6
4 Grooming 3
3 Friends 1
2 Chores 5
1 Money 7

I think I want a re-do, because I'm not sure this is how I would rank all of these things now, and I think Brian might want a second crack at this also. 

There were some notes in the document about our discussion surrounding some of these items - where I had ranked 'money' low, and Brian had ranked it relatively high, our discussion indicated that we were translating 'money' to meaning very different things.  It is not important to me that my child is wealthy someday, and I hope they choose a life path that is more in line with their beliefs and happiness than with what will profit them financially.  Brian was viewing this as being related to 'self-sufficiency', and so I had to agree that although I don't want my children's lives to be 'ruled by' money, I will certainly expect that they are able to be self-sufficient as adults. 

The discrepancy on nutrition is still a point of some contention... Since I struggle with PCOS and how that effects my body image, it's important to me to try to eat healthy and give my children the best chance in that way as I can.  Also, Diabetes is rampant in our family, so I want to avoid excess sugar to try to ward off this illness as much as I can with myself and my children, but my husband seems to feel as though it's really 'no big deal'. Sigh.

This was a fun exercise though - if you're like me and enjoy this sort of thing.  How would you rank these areas? Does your spouse agree or disagree?

Published in Blog
Friday, 23 March 2012 11:32

My Picky Eater

There are a few people in my family (grown-ups, even) who are picky eaters.  Really picky eaters.  Honestly, my Grandpa still refuses to eat anything with onions in it.  And my Grandma tells stories about my uncle and how he would sit at the table refusing to eat until bedtime. He hasn't really grown out of his picky-ness either...

When I was pregnant with Celia, I could eat anything.  I was vaguely nauseous occasionally, but it didn't really have any effect on what foods I found appetizing.  There were, however, a number of foods that I had never enjoyed before that I all of a sudden craved - like ribs and chicken wings (I had never before liked eating meat directly off the bone).  And as I could have predicted, my daughter eats everything and anything.  She even likes a degree of spice that I have only recently worked myself up to.

This next child, I don't think will be the same.

I think I am carrying my picky eater.

In this pregnancy, every bit of nauseousness is directly related to food.  Looking at food.  Smelling food.  I have had to pick onions out of soups because the thought of eating them made me want to puke.  Foods I used to love I simply can't stomach anymore.  There was one day I took some leftovers out of the fridge and had to run to the bathroom to throw up because I just couldn't handle the smell that I had enjoyed only the day before.  

I am not excited about this.  I have this theory that if you simply expect a child to eat everything, they will.  I may be wrong on this count.  But I still don't intend to indulge this child's picky-ness.  At least not when it can no longer make me physically ill...

I'm going to fight with this one, I can see it already...

 

Published in Blog
Saturday, 25 February 2012 19:55

Placenta Brain

It's not as gross as it sounds, really...

I had blocked out this particular gem of a pregnancy symptom since the last time I was pregnant, but it's back full-force now, so it's forced back into my reality.

Placenta Brain.  It is a disorder of the brain that occurs during pregnancy in which a woman's regular thought processes are disrupted and she is unable to function in quite the same capacity as before she became pregnant.  The symptoms are mild, and can be confused with average flightiness, or ditsy-ness, and in some women it may be almost indiscernible.

Last night we got home late from our Announcement Tour, and I dressed my daughter for bed and took her into the bathroom to brush her teeth.  I put toothpaste on her little brush, and had just put the brush in her mouth when I noticed the shocked look on her face and realized that I hadn't used her 'toddler friendly' toothpaste - I had used our 'grown-up' toothpaste.  She fussed a bit, and I tried to get her to drink a bit of water (how do you get a 14 month old to spit???) but this was completely out of her usual routine so she didn't really want to drink.  Then I used her brush with water to re-brush her teeth and then used her own toothpaste to assure her that her routine was in fact, not being threatened. 

I felt awful. 

I have never done that.

It didn't help that when I looked online for what the risks of a baby ingesting a small amount of toothpaste was, I came across a number of forum posts that said 'Call Emergency!' or 'Call Poison Control!!!'.  She hadn't had THAT much.  Probably about a pin-head sized spot of it.

She's fine today, so any fears I had can be put to rest. 

I still can't figure out what I was thinking...

Published in Blog
Saturday, 25 February 2012 00:07

The 'Cat' is Out of the Bag...

This morning my Mom called to ask if I  wanted to hang out with them for the day since she is off work this week and they were wandering around the city.  I'm always seriously desperate for any excuse to get out of the house, so of course I wanted to go, but I didn't trust my ability to keep our news a secret for a whole day.

My first thought was to take advantage of the day out with my parents (and their vehicle) and see if I could find an excuse to have them take me to the only place in the city I knew of that sells 'Big Sister' shirts.  With my Dad's illness, being 'out and about' is a pretty significant exertion for him, so driving around any extra was a big thing to ask. 

When I discovered what their plan was for the day, and that stopping at a certain shopping mall was on the agenda, I tried to think of a what the mall offered that might serve my purposes.  Recalling that I know a girl who owns one of the stores in the mall and that the store was just the type that might actually sell custom t-shirts, I quickly gave her a call...

Hurrah! She had what I needed, and could make a custom onesie for me before I arrived at the mall with my parents later that day.  So, I had to describe it over the phone, and I went with the Chinese characters 'Jie Jie' (Big Sister), and pretty much had to leave the rest up to her. 

I told my parents I had to pick something up for a friend.

Luckily, they didn't ask any questions.

When we got back to their house after our trip to the mall, I went to change Celia's diaper and changed her into the new 'Big Sister' onesie.  I had to quickly admit to my parents that I was lying about who the onesie was for, which was an easy segue into what the characters said. 

My Mom is very aware of how nervous I have been about having another child, and so she looked as though she almost had tears in her eyes when she said 'Really?'

My husband met us for supper at my parents house, and we spent the rest of the day informing all of our family members, including a number of texts, phone calls, and skype conversations.  The 'Cat' is now officially out of the bag...

 

Published in Blog
Thursday, 23 February 2012 08:30

When to Tell?

When I was pregnant with Celia, I don't think I lasted a full week before telling our entire families about the news.  It was convenient that Easter weekend was that weekend, so we had an easy place to let people know.

As if pregnancy at that stage didn't really 'count', I had one aunt consistently ask me afterward if I was 'really' pregnant.  She pretty much wasn't convinced until I went to the doctor and received an ultrasound photo to prove there was a baby.  It may be that she was considering the first trimester 'danger zone', and thought it would be an easier conversation to pretend I wasn't really pregnant than to ask if the baby had died? That's just a guess.

Anyway, I considered this time waiting until Easter again (which I still might do, I'm not entirely certain) since it falls a full month later in the pregnancy than it did the last time, and the baby will be much further along - hopefully avoiding any weird questions. 

Then it crossed my mind: "What IF this baby dies before then?" (I had a really early miscarriage in September, and I know - it was technically not yet a pregnancy, but for a few days I 'knew' I was going to have a baby, so losing it really was devastating for a time), and if I don't tell anyone now, there will be no one to really talk to about it then.

I think I've decided that I'm the kind of person who would prefer not to keep the secret - I deal with things through talking, and talking makes everything easier for me.  It would be nice to wait, to hold the secret longer, but I think in the end it would be easier for me if people knew.

 

Published in Blog
Wednesday, 22 February 2012 09:07

Wordless Wednesday

It's early yet, but I'm so excited!  We've decided to wait a little while before announcing this one to our friends and family - none of whom (I believe) read my blog.  If you do happen to know me personally - please don't say anything!

The line is there - even my husband can see it, this time!

Published in Blog
Friday, 17 February 2012 17:28

What to do next...

This week (hopefully) I will find out whether or not the latest round of clomid has been successful. 

I have one more month's worth of pills to take if this one hasn't succeeded, but since that will be my 'last chance' for what may be quite awhile - I think you have to wait a number of months before going on a second stretch of clomid - I will feel significantly disheartened if this round has not worked.

I have been feeling exceptionally tired, although I felt similar last month, and I've even had a few belly pains that felt quite a bit like muscle aches a few inches below my belly button.  The one symptom I'm waiting for, however, is nausea in the morning, and so far that one has eluded me. 

I've been thinking about what to do if this round of clomid fails, and I still feel quite uncertain.  I have always wanted to adopt, and I still do, but I have always felt drawn to international adoption as opposed to local adoption, and the costs can be astronomical which is just not an option for us right now.

I may be completely incorrect, but my views on international adoption are based on the fact that to adopt from Canada there is up to a seven or eight year waiting list.  This gives me the impression that there are no children available for adoption here who are unwanted.  So, my thought is that if I adopt internationally, I am choosing a child who may not have a home otherwise.  Is this logical? I am starting to question my knowledge on these things as I investigate the numbers of children adopted from various countries - they are quite small, which makes me wonder if there is less interest in international adoption than I thought, or are there less children available than I perceived?

Anyway, besides any of that, my husband is not so interested in adoption that he is willing to say 'damn the cost' and go ahead with it.  I would probably consider selling our house if it meant we could have another child, so we don't exactly feel the same way about it.  I certainly agree that it would be stupid to enter into any financial struggles unless we were both completely in support of going ahead, which means we should probably not go that route until we are pretty sure the money will work out.

That being said, the preliminary costs associated with adoption are the same regardless of where you adopt from, and are relatively small.  A large part of me would like to go ahead with the preliminary stuff and see what happens, but I run the risk of suddenly having the option to adopt and feeling pressure to come up with money if it happens to be international...

Being an only child until I was eight, and then having a 4-year-old step-brother who I never became very close to has always made me speculate that a sibling - particularly a sister - who was closer to my age would have solved some of my child-hood loneliness issues.  Maybe I'm wrong, but it has become important to me to give my daughter a sibling who is as close to her in age as possible.  And I honestly feel at this point that 3 years is too much.  I worry that if this round of clomid fails, it will be too late to start the next one for me, and I feel now as though I would rather just adopt, and try to find a child within 2 years of my daughters age. 

I promised my husband I would leave it alone until I'm sure about this round of clomid. 

And... Who knows? Maybe I'm already pregnant...

Published in Blog
Monday, 06 February 2012 14:23

Keeping in Mind the Great Blessings...

When my daughter was about 7 months old, I decided I wanted to start trying for a second baby.  Although having children less than 2 years apart would (I'm sure) be much more work than having them closer to 3 years apart, I have theorized that children who are closer in age tend to be closer friends to each other.

My daughter is currently almost 14 months old, and I am still not pregnant.  I am back on fertility drugs (I had to go on fertility medication to have Celia also), and it has been almost 5 months (it took only until the second month to become pregnant with Celia). 

I am struggling with the possibility that my body may not be able to conceive another child.  I have PCOS, so it was possible I would not be able to get pregnant the first time.  I am also coming to terms with the possibility that it is not in God's plan for me to have another child - and I am constantly praying that His Will is what determines my life, and not mine. 

I was just 24 years old when I decided to start actively trying to have a child.  Knowing it could take awhile, I wanted to know for sure if I wasn't able to have children naturally so that I could look into the process of adoption early.  I probably would have pegged myself as too young except that I expected it would take me up to 5 years, and I hoped to have most of my children before I turned 35 - whether I had them naturally or adopted them. 

I remember dreaming about having a child when I was a teenager, and although I always said I wanted more than 2 or 3 children, the only child I ever visualized was one little girl.  She had blonde, curly hair, and big eyes. 

The December before I turned 26, our little Celia was born.

Whether or not I am able to have or adopt any more children - I try to remember to thank God daily that he allowed me to have my one beautiful, big-eyed baby girl.

 

Published in Blog
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